Monday, January 29, 2007

Honesty? Impossible - But Negotiable, Of Course

It seems obvious that nobody can ever be honest at all times. Nor can we be absolutely against stealing and killing. These are negotiable, as are many issues in life. Usually we are for honesty and against killing and stealing, but killing can earn us the highest medal for valour, and the morality of stealing certainly depends on the circumstances, while complete honesty as to a loved one's whereabouts may doom that person to death.

No hunter is ever entirely honest with his prey. No soldier will reveal everything to the enemy who is trying to kill him. No starving colonized native is going to be completely forthright with the European plantation owner who forces him from his ancestral lands. In fact, it is ridiculous to consider the question of honesty except in relation to the more fine-grained question: Honest with whom? This brings us immediately to matters of loyalty, and thus to herds and the herd instinct. We risk getting into the biology of competing organisms, and even of our own tissues, which can reject very slightly different ones, or mistakenly identify self as foreign.

Many religious positions deal with absolutes. Often these are based on unexamined premises, which, for Heaven's sake (pun intended), must be the soul of dishonesty. All too often such stances remind us of Alice and Humpty, and his dictum that what really matters is who is to be master. So once again the question of honesty gives way to defining the terms we use, and to defining our interests in a situation. Perhaps clarity can be brought to the whole issue of honesty by one attempt to define its opposite: "A lie is an untruth told to someone who deserves to hear the truth".

51 Comments:

At 6:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like that definition of a "lie". It's not one I've heard before, but it's a good one. Generally, people do deserve to hear the truth, and if they don't, well, it's usually a better idea to lie than to tell them the truth.

I've had issues with the theology behind honesty, myself, and how the Bible acts as though we should always be honest, and that telling a lie is equal to hating the person we tell a lie to... but sometimes lies are necessary, as in situations you described in your entry, and it really just takes some good judgement to know when to lie and when to tell the truth. Most of the time, honesty IS the best policy.

 
At 7:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Don,

I agree with you that honesty is a judgement call as well as a moral one. Honesty requires an active and conscious use of tact and skill to deliver the best quality--without losing sleep.

Perpetual lying can be a sign of someone who has lost control of his/her life or living in a delusional world. Getting caught in a lie can be embarassing if not trust destroying.

Maybe not disclosing information is safer than actual bald-faced lying--at least you can say you didn't "say that" to the person being hoodwinked.

tf

 
At 7:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm always left a-pondering after reading your posts, Don. I've not thought of the truth as deserving before. And the more I ponder that concept - the truth, as deserving, as opposed to the lie, as deceiving - the more its truth resonates.

Life's too short to live, be, have, wear lies. And while truth doesn't always bring freedom, it does always bear liberty.

I'm off to consider further your succinct wisdom of today.

Blessings to you, kind sir.

C.

 
At 7:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would generalize the definition of "lie" even further: "A lie is an untruth told". Where a lie truly matters, however, is exactly as you said: "to someone who deserves to hear the truth".

 
At 7:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Donald - I just ran across your blog and honestly, I love it! I truly enjoy reading your blog and wish you many many more years (so I can continue reading).

 
At 8:12 PM, Blogger DeAnna said...

I have to say a lie is a lie, whether the person deserves the truth or not. You may not choose to tell the truth all the time, but you shouldn't lie to yourself and pretend you're not lying :)

 
At 8:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree in principle with your definition of a lie, but think that cognitive dissonance prevents most of us from consciously operating by that set of rules. We want so badly to see the world in black and white, and those gray areas make our gray matter very uncomfortable indeed. That's where biblical literalism comes from, right?

 
At 9:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow...

I have a feeling that's going to save me a lot of trouble.

Thanks!

 
At 10:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don,

First: Thank you for your blog. It's unique, refreshing and inspiring.

Second: A lie is a lie. Killing is killing. Stealing is stealing. The point you drive home is that it is not the act itself that is wrong or immoral. It's the premise under which it is undertaken. You approach this subject, risky though it is, and drive home the point VERY well.

Again, keep writing. I'll keep coming back.

 
At 12:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Woooooo-hoooooooooo, Don!

Rock and roll!!

Best post yet. So much for worry of selling out your blog's inception.

Love it.

 
At 3:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

just found your blog a few days ago and I am loving it!

 
At 6:50 AM, Blogger LaurieM said...

Barbara Coloroso, an excellent speaker and writer on the subject of teaching children, has come out on this subject as well, saying that we shouldn't teach children it is wrong to lie because in today's society, they may have to in order to maintain their safety. For example, if they are home alone, they should never say so when answering the phone.

What it comes down to is having the maturity to handle the complexity of context. I believe that the human race as species has perhaps evolved some of its members to the point where we don't need religious absolutes to guide our morals.

 
At 8:01 AM, Blogger gautami tripathy said...

Don, you have made a very valid point.
Honesty means different stuff for different people. Most bend it to suit themselves.

 
At 7:27 AM, Blogger Alex Pendragon said...

Now ain't THAT the truth!

 
At 8:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are right but not totally clear I think. As most untruths are aswell :) I mean, there is a vagueness in your definition. "To deserve" is as vague as the original lie definition is, I think.

 
At 10:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Don,

Beautiful definition of a 'Lie' ...how much better could it be defined. The fact that there are so many lies out there, it is still wrong...but at times, it is based on judgement...we call those 'White Lies'...

Found your blog thru a close relative, and I think it's great.

Take care...Donna

 
At 12:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don, you might not be exactly the older blogger in the world, but you are surely one of its best, regardless of age! Don't worry about losing your style, just write as usual and as you feel like. I've just arrived and will spend some quality time reading every single posts and the next ones, from now on! Pity I can't retribute: my own blog will remain in Portuguese and that's non-negotiable. :-)

 
At 12:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"oldest", not "older". See what I mean? Let me stick to Portuguese! :-D

 
At 11:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don,

Thank you for sharing your experience and ponderings. I have often wondered why western society scoffs at taking advice of previous generations (myself included), whereas many other cultures put great stock in the experience of older generations. Perhaps you could shed some light on this? I look forward to your next post.

DM

 
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At 3:08 AM, Blogger Jay said...

What about being honest \ lying to yourself? Do you think the same applies?

 
At 4:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really liked this entry, I'll definitely come back to this blog. I like the style of your writing.
Have a great day!

 
At 11:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow I found this blog at web yesterday and stayed fascinated with you.
Congratulations.


Sorry my english, I'm brazilian.


Stay with Lord

 
At 2:16 PM, Blogger Emil Brikha said...

Sir, I read about your blog in a swedish magazine today and I became curious enough to check out your blog.

I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate what you are doing. You give people and the rest of the world a very unique point of view, which at the same time (I guess) is shared by every living person sooner or later.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest of your blog... I'll start from the beginning.

Greetings, from Sweden.

 
At 9:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow...this is the very best definition of a lie I have ever read...
Hope you don't mind...I would like to make it mine...

Thank you.

 
At 9:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

m-m-m well er who decides if the someone "deserves to hear the truth"? The teller or recipient?
If someone asked me if i wanted to hear the truth I would definetly say yes (and hope I got it), because in my mind I deserve it. On the other hand if someone asked me to tell them the truth...who am I to decide if they are deserving?
The good judgement call sounds like the answer..but who's judgement?
Love your blog.

 
At 12:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I disagree with you, Don. I think that there is always an honest and effective way that you can act in any situation. For example, when you say that telling someone a loved one’s whereabouts could doom them to death, you could easily tell that person that you can’t tell them. Same with the soldier-enemy situation, and the Native-European one.
Maybe if humans were perfect and could perfectly judge who deserves to hear the truth and who doesn’t, that explanation of a lie would make more sense. But humans are not perfect, and they're very biased, and what happens when, like in many situations, even the bystanders can’t tell who is deserving in a certain situation and who is not?
i agree that it is impossible for anyone to be honest all the time, but that doesn't make dishonesty right. they're humans flaws that make us lie, and we can't go on telling ourselves that we have the right to tell a lie, only according to our own judgement.

 
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